Sup kid.. Sorry if that was condescending. Didn't mean it to be. Hi.. Last apology you'll get from me in this thing. I'm 37yo stay at home dad of a 'high functioning' autistic 6yr old daughter. I'm an alcoholic. I smoke, I just can't seem to find any indica over here. My area hasn't helped in this way YET.. ;) ~This is the hopeful everyday.
Sometimes I have a taste of/for liquor. Not very often at all though.. Shit scares me. I did a stint on Puerto Vallarta about 10 years ago.. That's when the concept of being addicted to something really set in for the 1st time. Cigs came 1st though. But that's when I knew things weren't right in my head. That Puerto Vallarta will kick you straight in the head. I was partying waaay too much. Mind you, I was shipped a case of 1.75 ml bottles.. From my step dad. I still love the taste. Good shit right there. Sorry Teq fiends. ~This is the alcoholic everyday.
These days.. I have my daughter, she goes to school on the short bus, I have all day (7 hours) that I can't seem to figure out what to do within.. I have dreams, game, invent, just doing random shit.. It fucking SUCKS. 6 YEARS of this pattern. But we're stuck. Because of money mostly.. To keep any sort of happiness in the house, we drink and try to forget how we'd rather be doing other things. The day to day fucking sucks. And partly because of that, we make excuses and some of us, like me, drink. A lot. ~This is the hangover everyday.
We're generally 12+ beer a night drinkers each. (Adults).. When there isn't enough money, we cut that 1st. And that's only because we've already cut out cable and cells to the minimums. In a single earner family, shit gets weird. Instead of stressing, we try to remain positive. (YES. Our daughter strangely has way more support and things than I ever knew about growing up. My Ol' Lady is the pusher in that game. Through drinking. . . I know. ~These are the excuses everyday. I know I can do better.
I have so much resentment of the past and fear about the future.. And no legitimate way to effect change in big ways. All I can do is be conscious of my actions and to try to be aware more often. Drinking started as a filter.. Now it's a dependency. ~Everyday.
Now.. Here's the hard part. Now that you've empathised with, with this.. What will you do?
I ask myself that every single day as an alcoholic. What will you do? I love my daughter with all of my heart and my ol' lady is mean spirited.. My biological mother lives with us, so we have that going for us. Which is actually nice most of the time.
OP.. I sincerely hope that you are able to reach your father. Please, don't give up on him. He remembers you. I hope.