Aliens come to Earth, and it becomes a popular interstellar tourist destination because aliens really like Earth booze.

Who has a problem?

I have a problem?

Okay, asshole, no, the answer is no, I do not have a problem. The only problem here is you thinking a grown man can't enjoy a few frigging beers in the morning. This is America, the land of the free and the home of Busch Light, and besides, alcoholism is just another word for dedication. I am dedicated to my craft, and I enjoy every last drop of it.

But the allure of being a devout binge drinker quickly faded when the heavens opened up and these grotesque blobs started entering my bar, sucking up all the beer like the over-sized binge drinking leeches that they are. You see, my bar oozes trashiness, and the only thing noteworthy are the tired floors layered with a permanent stick, and a crusty ceiling that has not missed a day of cigarette smoke. But does that bother our obnoxious extra terrestrial tourists?

Hell no. The sick bastards love it. Besides, it's not like they have many options. All the"classy bars" around town banned them and for good reason. They are terrible for business, and they excel at absolutely obliterating a pleasant atmosphere. If a beautiful woman is eye candy, then these aliens are eye asparagus, or some other vegetable that makes your piss smell like hot garbage. That is the damn truth, and I swear, I will tell that to any of them.

Their floating eyeballs travel around their translucent green flesh with no destination in mind. Picture a planet with no desire to stay in orbit, just bobbing around space with no purpose. If you can get over their "wandering eyes", and I do mean that quite literally, you will have to deal with a smell that could kill a small baby calf. Sit within teen feet of them, I dare you to.

It's a lot like going to the gym and running next to an overgrown man in constructions boots, wearing a pitted out long sleeve shirt and an old pair of worn out jeans that have not been washed in nearly month. Remember, this man just got done with a long day of sweating at a construction site. With each step, his torrid stank wafts right off his clothes and seeps straight into your nostrils while you try to finish up your ten minute mile. Picture that body odor, but then add some weird metallic smell that could come from a robot vagina fighting a horrible yeast infection. THIS, this is what I deal with at my local bar.

It's... it's just horrible.

Anyways, as you can tell, I am not fond of legislation that was implemented to allow such nastiness but what can I do?

I tell you what I do.

I drink at home and watch Jeopardy.

How many words can I get right before I pass out.

That is called dedication.

/r/WritingPrompts Thread