Of all the genres of music I have listened to over the years, I never would have thought that Jazz, specifically Chet would help me keep looking forward to the things I have yet to experience in life. The good & the bad.

I don’t expect many to relate to this post as we all handle bullshit in our own way but for me it’s always been with music. I’m a hardcore introvert, so unless I haven’t known you for a while I’m very shut off and will put on a façade just so things won’t get uncomfortable. Doing this takes a toll on me and by the end of the day I’m mentally exhausted. I lash out at people I care about for seemingly no reason at all. A lot of the people that have known me for years understand this part of me so it doesn’t bother them, they give me my space until I’ve cooled off. But just recently I’ve gotten into Jazz music, specifically Chet Baker. Because of the way I feel when he sings/plays I haven’t put on a fake personality towards anyone. I’m transfem NB & not currently out so being a “guy” is not a lot of fun on a day to day basis. Yet as soon as I put on Chet, the traffic of thoughts and feelings of dysphoria about feeling a bit muscular almost go away completely. They get shoved into the back of my mind and I go on about my day less bummed about everything else going on with me.

Then again, this could just be dissociative & it’s currently 3am as I write this lmao. I just need to get all of this out. Goodnight/Morning/Evening to whoever took the time to read this. I hope you have a great day

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