All I've ever been and ever will be is a burden

You're no burden to anybody, your parents failed you. Not the other way around. It takes an incredible amount of strength to endure the thoughtless cruelty on the behalf of weaker people, especially remaining as passive as possible because you dont understand the resl reason as to why theyre the problem. There's better things in life to deem a problem rather than one's choice of food habits.

I'm sorry you've been exposed to such behavior and please don't give up on yourself. Autism is not a disability but merely a different shaped lens. Your brain is wired different than most others and honestly I say that's a good thing. Once you learn the walls of your own mind and what triggers you compared to other people you can really start to delegate the power of your own time. Your own peace, that's the most important.

Negativity is a much more polar feeling than positivity, in order to heal effectively you need to establish that peace and find hobbies that speak to you personally. No one else can choose that for you which is a good thing. Get deep in your own roots man, that's going to bear the most fruit for you in your life. Don't let the petty dogma of others trap you down because the people who only want the worst for you are the ones who lost most in life.

In times you might lose all of your progress but remember it's not the end means that makes us happy, but learning to be plastic in our own process. To learn to love it. To be reborn.

I'm strong in my view because this is all of my own personal experience, it won't be 100% subjective to your own but I hope it will serve as a reminder of what really matters in the long run, you.

This is a hard pill to swallow because what we consider evil are the harrowing tragedies happening for literally unfathomable reasons. Genuinely good/healthy people don't spew their shit all over the place, especially their loved ones. It really helped me personally when I took the time in solitude to process the "sickness" emanating from the Ns in particular and the trait that stood out to make that N. There will be multiple and it's good to learn the terms of these traits among mature professionals online. When you learn about narcissism and machiavellianism you'll come across alot of irrelevant smut that's made to target vulnerable people in the sake of profiteering off of them. Learn the difference between what's genuine and what's not, you will learn that in your own form. Don't get caught up in this, learn the real stuff.

You were young, and you need to remind yourself that being treated that way was nothing of your fault, all of theirs. You're different and that's genuinely a good thing.

Chase what's yours, the world is your oyster when you learn that everyone is just as fucked up if not more than you. You sound like a genuinely good person and I wish you the best and the most in this coming life.

Cheers and let yourself relax man, it'll be okay.

/r/CPTSD Thread