it was the result of years of mental abuse where everyone I knew sided with her, because she was a great TBM.

I grew up in a broken family. My mother didn't divorce my father, who was mentally abusive, because god told her to stay with him. I didn't know it differently. I was also brainwashed into thinking: "Mormons don't divorce, because it helps nothing."

That was the thinking of my parents generation.

So I married a person with different issues than my father, but I had no idea how big her issues were, because it was my first relationship (thank you Mormonism). I focused on myself, because I didn't want to be like my father.

My wife though kept blaming me for being insensitive. She screamed at me for nearly an hour every day, in example because I reminded her to put the milk the fridge.

I tried to talk to my mother about it, but she told me that all women are like this. I had a great career when I married and it went downhill because of my wife. She kept interfering with it.

My wife who quit her job and never worked again after we married, would give hints to others that I don't do my priesthood-head-of-family job properly. She was beloved by everyone. She'd be smiling the whole time at Church and impress everyone with her knowledge of the gospel (because I was working and she stayed home doing nothing else). Once we entered the car to drive home she would flip out and scream like crazy.

Church members who knew that we weren't doing financially well blamed me. The bishopric blamed me. My parents blamed me. My "friends" they were confused, and blamed it on Satan.

My parents thought that I am crazy (and they meant it) for wanting to divorce this perfect woman.

All these years, I didn't have a single person on my side. A person to support me and to tell me that it is actually her fault. Twice I was close to kill myself until I decided that I will sacrifice my life for my children.

When I was about to fix my work situation by starting a business, my wife announced that she needed a vacation. I begged her to stay, explaining that I can't take care of the kids at the same time as starting this business. I was in a crucial phase and had work I needed to deliver within two months. She booked her flight ticket a day after announcing her vacation, saying that I am a failure and if I think that I can't do it, I never will.

She left. My kids were sick the whole 5 weeks and they were home. I had to stand up every night at 3am to take care of them. I totally missed my deadline.

When my wife got back, I had to work day and night to catch up with the lost time.

Things got more and more extreme. I had a lot of pressure to fix everything the church and my wife had ruined. I got sick and a flu hit me badly. My body got pretty weak. I couldn't sleep any more from the abuse I was getting. I was put on lots of different medicines, could barely talk any more.

I made an appointment for the doctor. My wife felt her throat itching and our kids had runny noses. She asked me to change my appointment into an appointment for 4 people, meaning that the doctor wouldn't have much time to spend for me.

I tried to explain her that I do pretty badly and for once I need to take care of myself. She called me selfish and a lot of other things. I changed the doctor's appointment for my kids.

After checking us out the doctor said: "Mr ..., your wife and kids are in wonderful health. But you, you look absolutely terrible and you can't go on like this."

My wife kept the abuse going. Two nights later my body shut down. I don't know what exactly happened, the doctors couldn't tell too. I woke up and couldn't stand up because I was so dizzy. I still could barely talk. I decided to wait until the morning and it got worse. So I called the ambulance.

I had to pack my bag myself. Dragged myself through the house, to get my health insurance card, some money and passport. I asked my wife to close it because I had no strength. She held the open bag upside down, so I asked her to watch out because I didn't want my things to fall out.

She got upset because of my criticism and left.

I remember the puzzled faces of the medics when they arrived when they saw my open bag and two shoes which I put on top.

In the hospital I finally realized that I can't just think about others, but also need to think about myself. I learned that I should care nothing what others say about me and especially church members. And I realized, that I am not too old for a divorce and that my life is not over yet, even though I have all these troubles.

After I was released of the hospital I became a vegetable. I felt as if I was disabled. All day long I would get vertigo attacks. For nearly 6 months I could do absolutely nothing. When I had no vertigo, half of my face would feel numb, making it impossible to concentrate. I couldn't even drive car any more.

I had to use the money I set aside for starting my business for medical treatment. Of course people would still blame me and show no understanding at all.

Then things improved. I made plans on how to proceed with the divorce. My face didn't feel numb any more and the vertigo attacks got less, although it's still here. But now I reached a state where I can say that I can live again.

I still struggle with money because of the huge setback (also time wise). But for the first time in many many years, my life looks bright. My business will be successful and little by little I manage to put money in it. It's a wonderful project and people are very excited about it.

My wife sits at home and the working father is taking care of the kids at the same time. I am attending parent meetings where I am the only man amongst all the other mothers.

In the church for years everyone counselled against a divorce and I was blamed for everything. Outside the church, the opinion is the opposite. I started to make some friends and although they know nothing about what happened, they would surely understand if I divorce. Church members always thought that they have some authority. They tried to interfere with my decisions and life and would talk badly about me if I didn't do what they wanted.

In opposite, the people outside the Church are so ... normal. They might gossip, but would let others simply go on with their lives and actually even show understanding.