Examples:

Interpreting all of her toxic behaviour like trying to tell me when I can and cannot go out and telling me who I can and cannot speak to as "Boundaries" or if she did something awful it was my fault for "making her feel like that was her only option". She was adept at playing the victim and more importantly playing the victim to other people so that her friends would dog pile me and enforce her view of a situation (from a false story she told them) whilst denying she ever told them anything and crying and telling me how could I accuse someone I love of that sort of behaviour if I called her out.

It's a mixture of gas lighting, manipulation, control and playing the victim and pretending to be helpless as well as using other people to reinforce that control if she ever sensed it was loosening. If you have poor self esteem it's very easy for someone to brute force their way into making something your fault somehow by twisting it and I have physical disabilities that meant she was capable of being physically threatening and she would often scream and throw things.