Hey man, thanks for following up through. I resonate with a lot of the shit you just spilled, it sucks major ass and I completely get you feeling this way. I won't tell you any bullshit or try to change your mind but I'm just gonna write some of my thoughts. Recently I too lost the love of my life, there is no way people can't tell me that I will find someone else, someone better. While it might be possible, my mind and heart just don't agree with it. I'm still in contact with her and trying to be with her, we fought nearly every day these last few months. She told me I'm not her type afterwards as well, shit sucks. I too owe money to my family but I'm pretty sure my dead would bother my sister much more then the money I owned her and didn't pay if I died. I don't know your family but I think it would be the same to them.
Anyway, do you have a time frame for when you want to do it? I wanted it to be February but the pain is too much and I might have to do it this month. I'm thinking of getting high on shrooms before doing so as well, might as well be drugged right? Last time I was on them I realized that I won't hesitate next time on the spot and that I'm not afraid of dying or the physical pain that would come with trying to do so.