Do you have any suggestions?
I am no professional in this. I am an ACON though. I'd like to start with these:
A. > I hate that I've never set a fitness goal that I was able to meet.
B > I mostly want to work on getting that pullup first, to prove to myself that I can.
My question here is, is B an example of A? I believe it could be, but ultimately you must decide if it is or isn't true. I will tell you why this jumped out at me.
I've been messing around in gyms for the past 7 years. Not once, have I been able to do a pull-up. I was 15 lbs away from it at the end of October this year, using an assisted dip/assisted pull-up machine. What I am telling you is, it takes time to build muscle. Upper body muscles must be built over a period of time. It won't happen in one month.
What I am suggesting is, perhaps if you redefine your goals to something less specific, it will become easier to reach your goals. That success will provide the sense of accomplishment you seek, while motivating you to set new goals.
Is it possible you set your goals so high they are impossible reach, thus leading to failure, which serves to reinforce all those messages we got from our Nparents?
How about these goals instead:
I'd really like to get stronger
have visible muscles
I'd like to be intimidating
As a 21 year old female who is broke as fuck, really intimidated by the really loud, smelly, attractive dudes who always seem to be using the weights,
I have no idea how to start, especially not in a sustainable way.
Don't tell anyone in /r/Fitness what I'm about to say. Look into Planet Fitness. Their entire business model is to NOT be an intimidating gym. You can join for $99 per year. They will show you how to use the machines. They have assisted pull-up machines so you can build up to a pull-up gradully using reduced counterweights.