Alzheimer’s is a bitch...

My grandmother deteriorated from Alzheimers from 2000 through 2008 when she finally passed away.

These were the options -

  1. Nursing home/hospice, whatever you want to call it. She would have required 24/7 care/supervision. Medicare would have paid for it certainly. Then after she passed, they would have come back on her estate for some compensation. Her estate being the only house I had ever lived in (I was 30-38 during this period) and basically rendering me and my mother (her mother) homeless (could have forged ahead into something else but who knows where that would have ended up).

  2. Do it ourselves. That means I quit my job at the semi-conductor plant I worked at (we have those in the us!) and become the primary caretaker for the next 8 years 24/7 while my mother continues to work to actually pay bills. This involves not being able to pretty much leave the house for more than about 5 minutes at a time, helping bathe her (shower with a chair to transfer her from wheelchair), help her with potty (I have a thing about poop now. I can imagine a baby is bad enough. Try an adult that is pissed off, can't really speak, doesn't know who you are anymore, and adult diapers are the norm. I've gotten over a lot of it but still, bleah)

So I choose option 2, keep my residence. Spend nearly a decade of my life letting my health go to shit (I didn't care). Glad I was not in any sort of relationship as I doubt it would have survived that period (married or otherwise).

I'm glad I did it. I think it's part of why I'm now some sort of machine that doesn't mind 16 hour days (self employed), moved myself to a less toxic state (Idaho has....issues, the Puget Sound in Washington is much more my bag), and while I still haven't found anyone, I'm totally ok looking whether I find someone or not.

I don't begrudge anyone who has to go the care route for a sick/elderly parent. It can easily destroy relationships, be an enormous burden and kick your physical and mental well being right to the curb. On the flip side, you can come out the other end a much more focused/driven person. I'm glad I did it, no regrets.

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