You're really good actually! If you keep practicing you'll just keep getting better. Get contstructive criticism from people around you: friends, family etc. Make sure you start it though, if you show anything you make to your mum she'll be proud - so you have to start the criticism train yourself and make it clear you're trying to actually improve rather than just show off.

People are saying you're being over dramatic etc. and you are. Thing is, everyone is at that age. Don't change what you're writing about consciously - just write what you enjoy and stay motivated. You'll grow out of the "cringe" in time.

Ps. The people on the circlejerk subreddit are actually being really nice to you... Which is a pleasant surprise :)

Pps. These kinds of over dramatic things are a guilty pleasure of mine and I would never admit it aloud, but I did enjoy reading your passage.