Been there and done that. Just had problems in my relationship that were the exact same as what you outlined. I also place more importance and value into communication, and my boyfriend does not. It frustrated and hurt me because it made me feel unimportant to him. It would consistently result in minor issues between us. I finally addressed the problems in a constructive manner and we worked it out and came up with some compromises that worked for us. Like, we will call each other more often.

I believe the best approach for you to take is to relay how important this is for you and how much it has hurt and frustrated you not to have it. Express that you want to better the relationship, and communication is what you need to feel comfortable and secure in a relationship. If she continues to disrespect that, then you really need to consider whether or not she is worthwhile to have around.

Second issue is the fact that she does not want to see you in person for whatever reason. You sound extremely supportive and understanding of her during this hard time in her life, but she seems to not be taking it as hard as she suggests since she is going out every night. It seems like she avoids the topic with you or will come up with a reason to not show up. Quite suspicious that it has never worked out once since you've known each other and you're only 1.5 hours away. My best guess is she is not who she says she is, or she is insecure about something and doesn't want to meet you. She may also be painfully shy, but based off of what you wrote here that doesn't seem to be the case since she has sought after you from the start. Find some way to confirm her identity. Watch Catfish and pick up some tips.