Am I [26F] in an abusive relationship with my fiancé [24M]? What should I do

I was in a situation like this with an ex (being isolated from people because of his jealousy, drifting from my friends because it was too stressful to focus on anything other than my relationship with him, not wanting to deal with the a hassle of family and friends while juggling his insecurities) and being able to talk to my mother was one of the only things that pulled me through. I don't know you, and your relationship with your mom might be different than mine is with my mom, but if you believe that she genuinely loves you and wants the best for you it could really be worth working on that relationship too. It's very hard emotionally to be isolated within a relationship with a s/o, and having someone there for you who loves you unconditionally can be a real positive when trying to figure out your feelings and what you want to do about your situation. If you think you have a generally healthy relationship with your family you may also want to consider their dislike for your fiance as a BIG red flag. These are people who have known you your whole life, and as hard as it is to admit they can usually see what is bad for you before you can (I know, it's really really annoying).

I don't think hearing about your history is what caused his behavior, it's more likely the trigger that brought what was always there in him to the surface. It sounds like him isolating you from people began a lot earlier than your fight about the "lies" (I don't consider what you did to be a lie, it is your own business and that past should have no effect on your current relationship, but that's me), it was probably just the excuse he needed to justify escalating his behavior. Physical aggression (fist through a wall??) is the next step, and by the time that happens you really don't have anyone to turn to for support. This relationship seems abusive, and the scary thing about abuse is how quietly it sneaks up on you, and how tangled up with the abuser you are before it does. I don't think it's fixable behavior on his part, but I also know how hard it is to leave. If you insist on staying with him and trying to see this through please consider going to see a therapist together and also on your own to talk about this. At least talk to a therapist, or a family member so you know you have someone on your side if you decide this isn't how you want to live anymore. please do not marry him until this behavior stops! Marriage should be a partnership, and this is not a healthy one right now.

I hope you are okay, and if you ever need to talk please feel free to message me! You are not alone!

/r/relationships Thread Parent