Oh my god literally I want to explain step by step how much I used to be like this and how I fixed it. You expect certain things and become unreasonably disappointed when they don't happen, have specific ideas in mind but only hint towards them, have a slightly forgetful partner and you are insecure and easily offended. Also your mood changes often, you feel personally slighted by mistakes and there is the general feeling hovering over your relationship that you are hard to please, nitpicky, and there's always the next thing wrong

I want to stress that you probably need therapy, and a general attitude adjustment, but these things happen gradually.

AND on top of that your love language is thoughtfulness and gifts (literally me too, I will constantly be getting my SO thoughtful gifts) and when that effort is not returned to you it's super disappointing because you don't feel loved and appreciated since he didn't even think about you beforehand, why bother with anything LETS JUST FORGET MY BIRTHDAY FOREVER

You minimize your part in these negative interactions, you get into this sorrow-pit where it's just THE WORST THING EVARRRRR and now you can't enjoy anything because he didn't do what you wanted without you asking

I so badly want to explain exactly why you're wrong but I'm on mobile and my thumbs hurt so I will come back to this but yes, you are wrong (and so is he, yes)

I want to pre-emptively second and third the suggestion for therapy because a lot of this stems from self esteem issues (insecurity is INSIDIOUS and subtle and creates a lot of problems with expectations you may not even notice at first..bitchiness and overreaction is usually a defense mechanism for your fragile ego!)

Since you are my past self I'm going to go ahead and assume you do this thing I used to (and still do sometimes but hopefully way less) where any consequence is overblown (like how you suggested you NEVER CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY AGAIN because he dropped the ball this time)

My lovely stupid goof is not a planner. I recently celebrated him conceding to my incessant request to open his FIRST EVER savings account. I had to purchase my own birthday present with his card because he was so freaking scared of disappointing me (raging bitch syndrome there we are) that he couldn't figure out what to get me and the whole thing made him nervous and upset. This year I just sent him a wish list with links of things I wanted.

AND IM THROWING MYSELF A BIRTHDAY PARTY

you do need a therapist, though. And some clearer communication, but mostly I feel for you because I know how deeply hurt you feel even if it doesn't make sense on the outside. It hurts you but it also hurts everyone around you