That sounds like you did your best to cope with a really tough situation! That's not a bad thing. Learning some new skills to become more in touch with that anger without being afraid of it or lashing out at people, is going to really help, I think.

This might sound silly, but I remember reading somewhere in a psychology book about writing anger letters, where you write a letter (and then delete it) how you're angry at someone, how they hurt you, and what you would want them to do to make it up to you (apologize, go with you to a movie, etc). And then I think at the end it says something like write things that you appreciate about that person? I'm not entirely sure. But it seemed like practice for communicating anger, and getting the raw stuff out on paper before you actually talk with people so that you can communicate your emotions without coming out swinging.

But I think that learning how to communicate anger, or rather, if we're going with Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication style, how to communicate the soft emotions that light the anger (hurt that someone put you down, which leads to anger) is going to help so that you find a balance in your communication and your own emotions.