Being alone and not lonely would mean that you’re content and fulfilled in your life, and being in the company of yourself is enough. I would equate this to going on an extended soul searching quest, or taking a solitary getaway to just be by yourself and connect with the inanimate environment around you, recharge, and “center”.
Being lonely and not alone would mean you aren’t getting the emotional connection and closeness from the people who may be there physically for you. This is what some refer to as as being together but alone. You don’t have that feeling of ‘safety’ and ‘belonging’ with others; only… transactional presence.
I’m so sorry. Being “together but alone” is such a soul-sucking place to be in life. You don’t have to change who you are or much of anything about yourself to be “worthy” of anyone’s love. You ARE worthy, and always have been, you’ve just been conditioned and accustomed to accepting less than your worth in return.
Stop selling yourself short. Give yourself permission to tell yourself and the world around you that what they give is not enough, and that you refuse to settle for less than you’re worth. Give YOURSELF the same relationship value and benefit that you so generously give to everyone else. And when they fall short or try to negotiate with you on how much they’re willing to offer, stand your ground and call their bluff. Those whose interests aren’t in it for the right reason will naturally drop out of the race, and those to whom you truly mean something will step up and rise to the occasion.
The people who are only with you for the ‘usefulness’ they derive out of having you around are emotional terrorists. They hold your feelings and sense of worth hostage and manipulate you into “earning” their good graces. Well, fuck that. Do not negotiate with terrorists!!! Stage a coup and you’ll quickly see how little power they actually have over you, and how empty and hollow the “threats” of their psychological tactics are.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are worthy and you are enough.