I am so sorry you're going through this right now. Just remember that this mindset does pass. I'm not sure if you have done DBT... if not, perhaps you can spend some time looking into it. I once told my therapist its like "DISTRACTION behavioral therapy"... Try and find something you enjoy doing to take your mind off it. I know that is so much easier said that done. I know that when I feel the way you're feeling right now, nobody can talk me out of my mood. But, I want you to know you aren't alone. And if you can at least try to think of one thing you enjoy, try doing it. Perhaps take a walk around the block, just to take in some fresh air. Perhaps take a long, hot, shower and just focus on the rain hitting your head/back. Play a couple funny songs by Weird Al, or watch a couple YouTube videos under "Try not to Laugh". I don't know you, but I know you are strong, and I care about you, you will feel better.