I am so confused

You need to get sober for yourself and your son. Your marriage may be over, it may not be, I think that's an issue for later. You and your son need to be your priority. You sound like a smart man, you know that you're an alcoholic and you know that alcoholics cause problems in their family dynamics. Facts. It hurts when you're the problem, I know the feeling well. But you won't find happiness until you can take accountability and thus take control over your addiction. And only you can do that, you know that. Who knows where your wife's head is at? Are we supposed to be shocked that you sleep in seperate rooms and she keeps money from you when you're relapsing so often? You not even mentioning your addiction in the original posts tells us a lot.

I want the best for you like I want for any addict. It's so fucking hard, I get it. True acceptance/taking accountability is hard, it hurts worse than the hangovers and the fights and all of the other problems we cause ourselves. But you have to go through that to ever feel genuine happiness.

Get sober with an actual support system- not just depending on your wife. Take accountability. You drink because you're an alcoholic, not because you're unhappy.

/r/daddit Thread