How can I let a comment like that not destroy me

This is a deeper question than you probably realize. I think it's everybody's goal in the first half of life to develop their own center of gravity. That is, to have an inner standard you trust and that is the only thing you answer to. For many this is a religious quest (they "serve God instead of man").

I know that sounds vague, but that's because I can't answer this question for you, it's a question everybody must answer for themselves.

I do understand ancestors and people that looked like me did those things and wrecked horrible havok and decimated peoples of many nations.

And ancestors who looked like you created Beethoven's Symphony No. 5. Ancestors who looked like you invented calculus. Ancestors who looked like you built and decorated the Sistine Chapel.

I for one have no compulsive need to deny the crimes of whites, and I'm not saying the above to do so. But it's very clear to me that you are letting the past beat you down. The same sense of inhumanity that was foisted upon the slaves to keep them in subjection is also infecting you. And that's not good for anybody.

How can any of my intentions reach beyond the color of skin and touch people's human hearts ?

Everybody has different advice on this. Mine? Focus on your immediate community. Help people who are in need and who are asking for help (to "help" anyone else risks insulting their dignity). If there are no such people in your immediate circle, find a local charity that has a good reputation and volunteer with them. Try, if you can, to interact with people. And listen to their stories. That's where hearts get touched.