Am I (F/26) letting my anxieties rule here and not trusting him (M/33)?

I think this is likely more to do with your insecurities than anything else, but I have been in a similar sort of situation, not work related.

There is working on yourself, and then there is inviting known triggers and anxiety into your life while in the midst of working on your issues. Idk how you’d be expected to just handle that perfectly while you’re in the early stages of working on yourself. It’s not like you’re not trying to fix things. An alcoholic just entered into recovery shouldn’t be expected to go to parties with alcohol in their face and be expected to not struggle, and they wouldn’t be blamed for needing to be in recovery for a while longer before subjecting themselves to the triggers.

Even if you realize or acknowledge that this is you being insecure, it’s still understandable for you to try to avoid putting yourself in a situation you aren’t yet ready to handle, until you’ve developed the tools to handle it. But also realize - you can’t keep someone from being attracted to other people. You can be your best self, and hope that the guy you love only wants you, but you can’t prevent someone else from being a dick by trying to keep them from any situation where they might prove to be one. You’re sort of setting up a situation where in your mind, the only way to keep him from wanting other people or straying is if you yourself stop him from it, which isn’t logical. If he’s a bad guy, he’s gonna do those things. His opportunity to do it isn’t exclusive to when you’re there and can witness it and step in - if you trust him when you’re away from each other, it isn’t logical to not trust him when you’re standing right there.

I personally don’t think you should force yourself into this situation, but if you do, it could be a good experience for you to face that fear and he sounds like he’s the kind of guy who would show you that your fear wasn’t justified afterall.

/r/relationship_advice Thread