One of my most vivid memories were when my grandma (mums side) came over from another country (I was about 3, I am 16 now) for a visit. She still lives in that country but comes over to the UK now and again (likewise we do to there). For some reason which I don’t know do they were in an argument. What she (my mum) did was grab a knife and start ripping up her clothes from her suitcase. She started crying, which I’ve never seen an adult do. Her most recent visit to here included shouting and arguing, but now I was old enough to realise it was only my mums fault.
Another vivid memory when I was roughly 12 was in the town. There was a big dog (Same breed from the movie Beethoven) in front of us and my mum said something along the lines of “look, it’s the dog from the movie Beethoven!”. I didn’t know about what that was so I questioned what that is. She started shouting at me, telling me off, spelling out the word Beethoven in a condescending way, shouting at me more, telling me off more, pinning my brother against me, all because I didn’t know what some movie was. I was embarrassed, crying my eyes out in public, everyone staring at me, brushing my problems off when my mum said I was behaving.
Another incident which comes to mind was against my brother. He wouldn’t do so now but was young. Maybe 8 or 9, maybe younger. He bought her for Mother’s Day an earring from a charity shop. He gave her the present with the biggest smile on his face “look mommy! I got you a present! Open it! Open it!”. (At this point in typing I am tearing up). My mum shouted at my young brother who knew nothing better about how horrible that gift was, she hated it and she never wants a present from him if this is what he thinks of when buying a present. He cried. She did buy him a chocolate lollipop with the words “I’m sorry”, but that emotional damage was bad enough for me, never mind him. But my mum has never once apologised to me.
I can give many many more examples, but now you see why she is toxic, and I take no offence to your comment about her being a bad mum. Although she can be nice sometimes, somewhat manipulating though, trying to guilt trip me etc which works.