Am I harming my 11 mo old by letting her do a lot of independent play?

My best friend's son was a lot like your daughter. His pediatrician referred them to someone who specializes in autism, and he was diagnosed. At that point, my friend got a bunch of pressure to have someone come to their home to "help" her son to learn to play in "developmentally appropriate" ways.

My friend thought it was troubling to suggest that a child can play "wrong." That some sorts of play are bad and unhealthy, even if the baby is happy and seems to be learning. She didn't get the impression that it was actually about helping her son to be happy or healthy; she got the impression that it was about making him resemble his peers simply for the sake of seeming normal.

Anyway, she and her husband rejected the "help" and their son is completely fine. He still likes independent play a lot, but there's nothing wrong with him.

(Note: I'm not claiming there aren't autistic children who do need a lot of help, and who do present lots of challenges. But a baby who just likes to explore stuff and can self-entertain a fair amount of the time isn't pathological; nor is their parent pathological for letting them do so, as long as the parent is present and interactive. Which you clearly are, considering you noticed what your daughter wanted from the drawer and made sure it was safe.)

To me, it sounds like these people are suggesting you interfere with your child's development (I'm sure she's having a great time and learning a lot) in an effort to make her more "normal." But that's not how it works. You can't make a kid "normal" by frustrating the things they enjoy, and even if you could I'm not sure what value there would be in that. Older kids might benefit from learning to act "normal" when necessary, in that it might help them achieve various goals and have an easier life, but you can't explain that to a baby -- a baby just needs to develop in their own way.

/r/Parenting Thread