I basically could have written this exact same thread a few months back.
You won’t ever know if he is a true narcissist. Because he will never be diagnosed.
As someone pointed out it is a spectrum.
I’m not sure why as humans we need to label things. But here is a label for you. One that doesn’t need a medical degree to give.
You were in a toxic relationship. He was emotionally abusing you. There was a definite cycle.
I bet the majority of the good days were closer to the beginning. And the apologies became less sincere as time went on.
We can all be toxic at times. I think this comes through when we think we are entitled to something, or when we let our egos rule us. The difference between a toxic person and a well adjusted person is the ability to see their actions for what they are and apologise/fix them where appropriate.
A toxic person will say sorry, and then continue doing whatever they promised they wouldn’t.
They love bomb you. Get those love hormones flowing. Then they bring you down. You just can’t get through to them. Then they apologise, a really sincere and well worded apology. You think they mean it. Then they love bomb you. Repeat.
The high keeps you coming back.
My ex slut shamed me on my birthday while drunk. He apologised profusely the next day. I gave him another chance.
This resulted in more severe verbal abuse and borderline physical a few months later. All of which was my fault, for walking a step ahead. Oh and the slut shaming was my fault as I planted a seed of doubt early in the relationship (I didn’t for what it’s worth).
After we split he would stalk my social media and make comments to me about what I was liking/doing. He would comment when I removed traces of him from my life. He would send texts from a random number after I finally got jack and blocked him. And I’ve just kicked a random iPhone off my FB trusted list. Within minutes someone attempted to reset my password. They’ve been logged in for months, with no sinister activity so I’m pretty sure I know who it is.
Our stories are pretty similar.
He won’t change. You deserve more than this.
I’m not sure if my ex was capable of love. But if he is and if he did actually love me, I know that I don’t want to be loved like that. No way. No how.
Please keep yourself safe. X