I don't understand why it's so hard to take that advice and do it?
Because that's the point of abuse, to make you feel scared of doing anything against the other person's wishes.
90% of the time we are great!
It doesn't work like that. I prefer 50% good time, if the other 50% is simply arguing, rather than 99.99% and 0.01% someone trying to kill me
Am I just kidding myself that our relationship can get better?
You both have mentally exhausting tendencies. You don't have a relationship, you have a trauma bond
he last month it's almost as if he has gone out of his way to make me miserable
Can you please say this out loud and hear how it sounds? You should never even have to feel 'he wouldnt do this to me on purpose'.