hi...I'm a 24 year old female, I'm very similar. I live with my mom, I struggle with severe mental illness as well. I am also desperately trying to survive and find a purpose. I know the selfloathing can be overwhelming - but it's truly okay to forgive yourself and take it one day at a time (I know that's trite but it's the most important thing we can do). The more you care for yourself, forgive yourself, and focus on healing, the better you will be and the more opportunities you will have to meet people and have healthy relationships. If you are suffering from extreme chronic stress I highly recommend reading about meditation and mindfulness and trying to self-administer CBT so you can teach your brain healthier coping mechanisms and learn how to find relief within yourself. It is truly okay to be the way you are, we all grow and experience things differently. I know it feels difficult and miserable, I truly believe if we can give ourselves the love and the self-care we deserve, things can get better. I know it sounds cheesy, but sometimes cheesiness can help. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck and I hope things get easier for you soon.