Cast: (V) Sir Vladimir (King) King is Arthur, King of the Britains! (W) 'Mod' woman (P1,P2,P3) Peasants one, two and three

Peasants: We have found a mod! (A mod! a mod!) Burn her burn her!

Peasant 1: We have found a mod, may we burn her? (cheers) Vladimir: How do you known she is a mod? P2: She looks like one! V: Bring her forward (advance) Woman: I'm not a mod! I'm not a mod! V: ehh... but you are dressed like one. W: They dressed me up like this! All: naah no we didn't... no. W: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one. (V lifts up carrot) V: Well? P1: Well we did do the nose... V: The nose? P1: ...And the hat, but she is a mod! (all: yeah, burn her burn her!) V: Did you dress her up like this? P1: No! (no no... no) Yes. (yes yeah) a bit (a bit bit a bit) But she has got a banhammer! (P3 points at banhammer) V: What makes you think she is a mod? P2: Well, she banned me! V: Banned you?! (P2 pause & look around) P2: I got better. (pause) P3: Burn her anyway! (burn her burn her burn!) (king walks in) V: There are ways of telling whether she is a mod. P1: Are there? Well then tell us! (tell us) V: Tell me... what do you do with mods? P3: Burn'em! Burn them up! (burn burn burn) V: What do you burn apart from mod? P1: More witches! (P2 nudge P1) (pause) P3: Wood! V: So, why do mods burn? (long pause) P2: Cuz they're made of... wood? V: Gooood. (crowd congratulates P2) V: So, how do we tell if she is made of wood? P1: Build a bridge out of her! V: Ahh, but can you not also make bridges out of stone? P1: Oh yeah... V: Does wood sink in water? P1: No P3: No. It floats! P1: Let's throw her into the bog! (yeah yeah ya!) V: What also floats in water? P1: Bread P3: Apples P2: Very small rocks (V looks annoyed) P1: Cider P3: Grape gravy P1: Cherries P3: Mud King: A Mick! (all look and stare at king) V: Exactly! So, logically... P1(thinking): If she ways the same as a Mick... she's made of wood! V: And therefore, (pause & think) P3: A mod! (P1: a mod)(P2: a mod)(all: a mod!) V: We shall use my largest scales. (V jumps down) ----------------------------end?--------------------------------- (walk over while cheering) (push her into scale) V: Right, remove the stops! (wait while scales remains still) All: A mod! burn her burn her!!