Okay I read your post and holy shit. You stalked this girl. For your own good. Do not talk to her. You need to find something of value in life. To your credit it's really good that you are openly facing this and understanding it's creepy as shit. It's borderline stalker. Stop. Find something else to do. Find something you want so bad you're willing to work for it. I want a motorcycle so I have signed up for two jobs to get it. Fill your mind with a hobby instead of that please. Get a VPN so you can watch videos in the USA or Europe and just start working on making money to afford your first hobby purchase and then learning about it on YouTube. First things first is avoid looking at that house at all costs. You must stop this. Until you are more complete and understand why you cannot do what you did. It's okay Every now and then. If you're going to work. But to stare it her and it for weeks on end bro. What the fuck. Like holy. Calm down please.