I got a story for ya. It's going to be long with a bunch of unnecessary details, so there should be about 15-20 new posts for you to peruse by the time you're done/quit reading out of sheer boredom.
Firstly, let me set the stage. It's Tuesday, January 6, 2015. I'm in bed well before reset, because I'm a grown-ass man with a grown-ass job. I get to my grown-ass job around 7:15 AM and immediately check this sub for info on the Nightfall and daily bounties. Shoot a text to my buddies/clanmates that it's Valus with no burn and lightswitch so they should prepare their anuses.
Do some work and shit, or whatever. Head out of the office, speed the whole way home, rage at people turning left in front of me for making me stop on a parkway. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SLOW TO A STOP TO TURN THIS IS AMERICA.
Get home, take the dog for a too-short walk because it's colder than a wizard's tit outside. Get back inside, grab a beer. Fire up the Bone. No one's online yet so I start knocking out bounties, which is going super quick. I'm really feeling it today for some reason. Probably the beer.
Homies start poppin' up on the Bone. Run the daily a few times while waiting. Meanwhile, people keep hopping into the party. We've got 5 now, which means someone would get left out if we split up to do Nightfall.
One guy inquires, "What should we do?"
I respond, "I don't give a shit, let's all duck up and down repeatedly in a circle around this level 13 in the Tower to freak him out while we decide."
We start harassing people in the Tower, as the Bill Pullman Fan Club is wont to do. Then I remembered I was supposed to add a bunch of people who asked me to from this comment. Add the few I could find tags for. One's online! We decide on Crota, but have two 29's. Fuck it, we'll do it Wisconsin style.
I invite new guy (heretofore known as "BroBro") to the party, but the Bone party chat is fucked (what's new?) and we're in game chat. I think BroBro gets confused because no one's talking. He leaves the party, I send a game invite, he immediately comes firing into the Tower.
New guy catches on to our antics quickly. We're all talking over each other, making crude jokes and generally being indecisive. I can't tell if BroBro is talking or not, so I tell the other clowns to shut the hell up and ask him if he wants to do Crota. Nothing from BroBro, but it's clear he can hear us. He shoots me a message, "I'm up for it but new no mic, network issues :(". Tell him no biggie, we'll just explain as we go.
Descend into the Hellmouth, as we've done a dozen times before. I'm kind of trying to explain our plan, but our clan is mostly jackasses and casuals so our usual plan for the Abyss is: run like your ass is on fire, kill everything, don't get lost. BroBro gets a little lost. Well, BroBro gets REALLY fucking lost. I can see him down on the first floor and I'm giving terrible directions like, "Follow the red lamps. No not that red lamp, the other red lamp," and, "You kind of want to be going uphill? Towards us? I have no idea." We end up wiping unintentionally.
Second go we all stick together, people are wrecking shit. My Fatebringer is dropping thralls like they're hot. I guess technically they are pretty hot if their heads are exploding. Everyone manages to get up to the bridge. Shit gets hectic, everybody goes down at one point. Meh, whatever, wipe. But wait, BroBro is fireborn. He revives another guy, but goes down immediately. Other guy takes off like a bat out of hell for the light. We're all screaming and cheering. He hops over the knight and the ogre, makes it. Drops. Boom.
Cheese the SwordBear bridge. I push my cousin off the column while he's ADS because I'm an immature asshole. I give a half-ass explanation of the gauntlet. ONE guy gets through the door. Like, motherfuckin' Indian Jones gets through the door. We move on.
Ir Yut ain't got nothing on this ragtag group o' Guardians. We wipe on the first try because, once again, I fail to communicate major details such as the fact that we will be jumping into those elevated rooms, and not standing below them. We nail it on the second try. BroBro once again with some clutch revives and pulling his weight. Me, not so much. I keep going down like Debbie in Dallas.
Get to Crota. Emphasize that, while we don't normally glitch Crota (ok, we do sometimes. (ok, like half the time)) we probably need to since we have two 29's, one Icebreaker (mine) for boomers and one person who has ever done the sword before (me). Put that bitch on his knees, but BroBro gets rocked by some boomers I failed to catch. We try again, get it on the second try.
The entire time, BroBro is sending me hilarious messages that I'm communicating to the group, including super useful stuff like that the Murmur has Lightweight, which I didn't even know. He picks up gauntlets and Song of Ir Yut. He's already rocking the emblem when we get back to the Tower. I can tell he kind of wants to stay up, and I kind of do too, but we're both grown-ass men with jobs so we say goodnight and log off, but not before BroBro adds up half the Bill Pullman Fan Club and we promise to do it legit next time.
There's no moral of the story here. It's just a typical raid run with some experienced and inexperienced dudes. But it was fun as shit. I always have fun playing this game, and I always have fun reading about this game. Keep on keepin' on Guardians, and never be afraid to hop in a random game with some random cheesedicks like me.
TL;DR I had a brisket sandwich for lunch. It was pretty delicious.