Hey there, I’m 17 and have experienced very similar things to you.

Unfortunately like a lot of people our age I was exposed to porn far too early in life, and while for me it never progressed to loli/shota I’ve definitely watched stuff that I’m now truly ashamed of.

I’m trying to not offer reassurance, but you’d be shocked at how many people experience VERY similar things. The internet has very fucked up shit on it and unfortunately many people in our age bracket of about 16-19 are starting to realize how much we’ve been exposed to that we shouldn’t have.

I’d definitely recommend talking to your therapist about this if you have one! I hope you feel better soon.