Ok one, you need to speak to a counseler cause it's not good to want to kill yourself. Two, you dont have to go to college. Why not see if the federal grant (fafsa) will cover you going to trade school. Your state might also have a grant just for people living in that state. I say trade school there's a huge lack of new employess in trades like plumbing, electrician, pharmacy tech, etc. Not sure what the current saleries are but worth looking into. If you dont want to do that then there's plenty of jobs that will pay decently without the degrees. Security guard, long haul trucking, janitors, oil rig work, etc. The labor department of where you live useually has help as well for job training or school and will help you decide which is the better option for you. Good luck and stay strong.

Here's the national helpline if your suicidal: 800-273-8255

If you'd rather text someone the crises number is: 741741

I've used both in the past and they helped me when I had urges to off myself or hurt myself.