Hey. I’ve ruined many friendships. Just knowing you’re the problem isn’t enough. You have to actively correct yourself and your toxic actions. Admit every single shameful fault you have. Every single one. And actively stop them. Like me personally, I grew up in a very judgmental household and became judgmental myself. I talked mad shit about people. I‘ve said mean and ugly things about people who cared about me behind their back. I had to stop those mean thoughts, and stop myself speaking poorly of people. Every time I caught myself thinking something mean I had to stop and think “hey, that’s not nice at all, that person is just minding their business and doesn’t deserve my negativity”. It’s a muscle, the more you do it the easier it gets. Obviously I don’t know the severity of what you’ve done, but punishing yourself isn’t going to fix anything. The least you could do for those broken friendships is learn and identify your personal issues, the roots of the toxicity, and heal yourself so you never hurt anyone else again. And well, you might still hurt others, so the next thing is taking accountability and genuinely apologizing. You’re already taking a good first step by realizing your own faults and wanting to change them. Meditation helped me a lot. Take time to understand yourself, and ultimately forgive yourself. People are allowed to change and grow. No one is without flaw, so don’t beat yourself up over making human errors, just correct them. It’ll be a long road, and you have to actively choose to be a better person every day. It’s been worth it for me though, I have great friends in my life now and I’m willing to put pride and ego aside to resolve any issues with them.