Open up with something more exciting about yourself, rather than just the fact you're "old school." That's not interesting. That makes you sound boring and old - despite the fact you mention Ron Swanson to be humorous. I've never been to Ann Arbor, but girls there are pretty progressive, I'm assuming? Just because you might be different from them doesn't mean you should exclude the possibility of dating people of different persuasions. Whether you mean to or not, you're shutting yourself off to a large segment of the female population in the first line of your profile by describing yourself that way. They'll read that you're old school, then read nothing after that line. Goodbye, they're moving on to the next guy's profile (Being old school is fine, but there's got to be a better way to describe your style!).
Also, don't admit that online dating isn't really your thing and don't admit that your messages aren't perfectly worded. Make it your thing! What you have up there now shows you're lacking confidence. Girls hate that. And finally, remove the tidbit about saying you'd prefer girls message you back that they're not interested. That's kind of weird and makes girls uncomfortable.
Don't let non responses drag you down. Fix your profile and hopefully you'll get more. I think the kinds of messages you're sending out are good though. A lot of guys will just send, "Sup?" and you're already doing a lot better than them. The rest of your profile is fine though. Needless to say the world of online dating is tough. I'm a guy but I know that girls get swamped with messages. It's a constant effort to make yourself stand out from all the noise. Good luck!