I am trans, so why do I feel SO uncomfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with another trans person?

I dunno, maybe internalized transphobia you have left to work out? No shame in that. We almost all start out with a ton of internalized transphobia.

I want to feel like i'm not lowering my standards or accepting something/someone I don't want because I'm trans, and honestly accepting a trans partner feels like I'd be doing just that.

I try not to bring up my looks, because I'm not all about them, but in this case they bring me a lot of attention. I have cis guys, and cis girls (lesbians) hit on me a lot. If I wanted to be a with a cis person I'd probably never be single. :/ For better or worse. That said, and the reason I said it at all is, I've met some wicked trans men. I don't feel like I'm lowering my standards ever. If anything I feel lucky that we can be compatible. Having a deep awareness of gender is hot to me, and not only is it attractive to me, it's necessary in our compatibility. For example, same goes with nerdiness. If I can't drop the phrase "uncountable infinity" and have my partner understand it, we're in trouble. At the very least if they're a nerd in other ways than math, they need to be a quick learn so I can give them "my lingo." I have my own nerdy language I use, especially with my partner. So I want to be with someone who's a super nerd too. It just so happens since I'm not into women, that the pool of men who are very knowledge about gender studies isn't that terribly large. :/ It could be, but it's not.

Again, like I said, it feels like being trans is such major part of my life that having a trans partner would only add on to my stress/dysphoria because I'd have to be emotionally available for my partner when they're in distress, and I can barely manage my own transgender issues.

Sure. But one hand washes the other right, and when you both get to better places in life, then things can be totally amazing.

Honestly, I'd rather be lonely than take a trans partner.

:(

Why is it that because i'm trans it's expected that I have to understand other trans people?

You're not. It's just that statistically you're more likely to have shared experiences in common, but you might not have any in common. Sometimes I meet trans people and I look at them and I'm like how are we both trans we have nothing in common at, not even narratives.

I can barely understand myself, you know.

Maybe you're not ready yet or in a place yet for a relationship? That's okay. People have those times in life when it has to be all about them so that they can get to a better place.

/r/asktransgender Thread