I think you're pretty, I don't think you looked awkward (I could only watch, no sound right now), you're not remotely fat, and everyone thinks they look/sound weird on tape. You looked like every other presenter I've watched. You're engaging, you don't move your hands too much, you have good posture and your hair and clothing are nice. If your clothing makes you self-conscious, I would recommend looking for style idols - this is what I did when I was 300 lbs (so, yeah - I don't want to hear about you being fat). I paid attention to other women with good style and bodies I felt were similar to mine, and I mimicked them to the best of my ability. You're very clearly still within obtainable clothing sizes, so while this might be intimidating it's definitely possible, and doesn't have to be expensive. Again, based on this single outfit I don't think you've got a fashion issue. I just know how much it helped me as a professional woman to get a wardrobe I felt good about.

The bottom line is this: As long as you keep telling yourself these lies ("I am ugly, I am fat, I am a failure, I have no friends") - those lies will be your truth. Is that the life you want? It's what you have as long as it's what you tell yourself is so. Stop being so mean to yourself - you are a badass who is a PhD candidate! Give yourself some credit! :)

Professional woman struggling with confidence to professional woman struggling with confidence - PM me if you want to chit chat more.