I want to put this out there, and please anyone correct me if I'm off base here. I am cis / bi (haven't fully explored the bi side, only recently discovered it) but I dated a trans woman recently and I have never been with anyone trans. I have an old friend whom after transition we just lost contact with each other, but that is my experience of knowing trans people (at least that I know of).

That said, dating her I know more than once I f'ed up on things, or it could be seen that way. I read up on these boards and such to try to make sure I avoid triggering "compliments", but I still did them, even more so in the heat of the moment of talking.

I guess from reading this, the key point that hit with me is that they have never been with a trans woman before, so of course their language is going to be very rough. It really depends on how much time / exposure they have to the trans community to know what to say or what questions or ask or even how to ask those questions. To play devil's advocate, he might be saying to keep because it is hotter to try to basically say, "I'll like you how you are now". Like if a larger woman comments on her weight, someone might be like, "I love thunder thighs" not realizing that is a trigger for her. The point is to try to comfort the person but it just comes across badly.

I wonder about the chasers, while they do exist, don't most chasers have experience with trans people? If you have no experience, are you a chaser? I can imagine there are those that fantasize and in a sense fetishize the idea of being with a trans person, that want to experience it and that is all. They don't see you as a human but as just something to experience, but that happens with just about everyone who is outside the heteronormative or majority class. Black women are to some white men, or asians, or tall women, or short women...

So this is just my point of view from the other side of what might be happening. If it is a bad person, by all means protect her, give her advice, all that. But sometimes it is just someone who has no experience saying shit that they think is good but is just bad.

As Hanlon's Razor goes, "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." and someone with no experience dating a trans person is most likely at peak stupidity.