Quoting OP:

He thinks I talk about feminism too much and that I hate men. Well I’m not fond of the painful traumas I’ve experienced by the hands of men but I don’t hate all men or I wouldn’t be with him. Right?

This might sound insensitive, but one problem here is that there are many women who say they like men to sometimes take control, surprise them, have sex very spontaneously, and so on. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying what your boyfriend or OP's boyfriend did was right, but it seems that getting into a relationship inherently puts you into grey areas with sex, where you accept different kinds of affection from your partner than you do from any other men. So now the bf is in that grey area and well, I wonder if it's also the woman's responsibility to be more clear if she has clearer boundaries than some women.

Let me say it like this and ask a hypothetical question: did you give your boyfriend instructions/orders about how he should or shouldn't initiate sex with you? I'll assume not really. And so if not, then why didn't you do this? Well, I think people don't do this because they (A) want to have spontaneity in their relationships and (B) they are worried the guy will just want to break up because they'll see you as being difficult in some way.

Obviously there can be assaults within relationships so I'm not saying there can't. But isn't it also possible that there are situations where bad communication might lead a man to reasonably think a certain sexual behavior is OK without explicitly asking, and that doesn't make him a rapist?