Amazing tales of a Fat-Hating delivery man(moved from FPH)

So I had a fridge to deliver in Kansas. I mentioned below that for some reason, homes in Kansas have tiny front doors. People always buy the biggest fucking fridge they can though, because they are fucking fat as shit.

I deliver GE, Samsung, LG, Maytag, Whirlpool, Frigidaire appliances. They are all different, and they all require different drill bits to take apart. Read: Pain in the ass. But I am always prepared. If we are headed to Kansas, plan to take some fridges apart.

We arrive at our stop, and it is this HUGE ButterDemon. She is disgusting. I have learned from doing this job for years: when fat people greet you, they are either sickly sweet/jolly, or they just mumble something under their chin and turn around to let you in. This customer was the latter type.

She waddle-shuffles back to her La Z Boy as we enter to plan the route we are going to take while bringing the fridge in. So important, this step. I have almost had an ottoman spell my doom as I was dollying a fridge through someone's house. You are backing up, with the fridge on the dolly. Your partner spots you, but shit happens.

First off, I tell the bitch that her chair has to be moved. It is blocking my path from the front door to the kitchen. How the fuck did she not notice that? I swear people think we just magic their fridge into the fucking kitchen. She gets pissed, and between mumbles, as she struggles to rise from the chair, she says "I didn't sign up for this". Seriously. She bought the goddamn thing. She literally signed up for it.

I go and I am measuring the hallway opening to make sure the fridge will fit. 32 inches. That works. We will have to pull the doors off, but oh well. More work, but it does make the fridge lighter to dolly. My partner and I go to leave through the front door to grab our tools. At this point, we decide to measure the front door.

28 inches. Holy shit. That is tiny. The fridge, even stripped down, doors off, measures 30 inches. This fat bitch bought a huge fridge. We measure the back door. Same. Side door. Same. She didn't check her doorways before buying a $3500 appliance. Pulling the doors off the house won't help. They open all the way. No extra room.

I call the lady over and wait 30 fucking years for her to get from her chair to the front door. People need a visual. You can never just explain the problem. They have to see. I show her the measurement of her doorway, and I tell her the measurements of the stripped-down fridge. We are too big by 2 inches.

"Well can't you just angle it in?"

It took me a second to understand WTF she was saying. Angle it in. I asked her to explain. She did. She thought I could "shimmy" a 30 inch wide object through a 28 inch doorway. I didn't know what to say. I tried to explain the basic physics of the situation. Nope. Shimmy it in. She started to get upset. "JUST ANGLE THE FUCKING FRIDGE IN!!"

I didn't call the warehouse or my manager. I had to see this. This fat bitch got all pro-active, too. She moved from her La Z Boy to the La Z Boy on the porch. She lit a cigarette and waited for us to remove the doors, strap the fridge to the appliance dolly, and head toward her house.

My partner helped me get the fridge up the few steps onto the porch. I neared the event horizon of the doorway.I set the fridge down, unstrapped and removed the dolly...and I began to slide it the last few feet to the door. She was getting all excited, like she had solved the problem, and was about to make me look like a dumbass that just didn't get the new "Shimmy" approach to modern physics. She was actually saying "Yeah! Yeah, you got it!", and cheering me on.

Then the fridge hit the doorway. I was gentle, because I knew that this appliance was going to be returned, and she would either buy a smaller model fridge, or cut new doors. I made a show of trying to fucking shimmy the fridge, too. I wiggled, shook, and a twisted that fridge all about. No luck.

Instead of giving up, even though YOU COULD CLEARLY SEE that there was no way the fridge was fitting, she yelled at me to get out of the way. She said "GIMME THAT FUCKIN THING". I did.

No shit, she finally gave up an hour later. I was 3 hours late to my next stop(we had a few bad stops earlier). She tried to fit a 30 inch wide object through a 28 inch wide doorway. She refused the fridge, and we put it back on the truck.

Now our company does automated service calls to customers that have recently been delivered to. This woman was called. The machine gives you a short survey, then asks you to leave a message about how the appliance delivery went. This fuckin bitch.

She said that ____(company name)'s employees didn't even know how to shimmy a fucking fridge through a doorway.

/r/TalesofFatHate Thread