This will always be the case, I have lived in America for 25 years, generation 1.5 (born outside of the US, moved here when I was 6), have no accent but am brown and have a beard. I regret distancing myself from my culture and heritage. I always feel lost these days because I didn't learn enough about my culture to feel like an Indian and when I was a kid I embraced being an American. I thought it was cool and I liked a lot about it, but as I got older, especially after September 11th, I realized I will never be American to some people in this country. The recent happenings in the country have also made me feel like a fool to realize that I spent so much of my time trying to disown my culture for something that didn't want me.

The worst part? My mom always scolded me for ignoring my culture, she always tried to preserve things like celebrating small holidays but I had no interest as a shitty teenager etc. She passed away trying to give birth to my little brother to be, and now I feel horrible that I rejected what she tried to instill in me. I learn as much as I can about being Indian, Hindu and more from my Dad and the community I joined these days.