He admitted it only under the influence of hallucinogens … he cried to me and apologized … but now … nothing. Now the new thing is I’m the reason he is this way and acts this way. It’s all my fault and I’m a mistake and he should have left me etc.

Funny thing is … before we got married I was pregnant (before our two boys) and he was the one that came to me and wanted to make a baby … we did … his parents found out and he then changed his mind and said I had to get rid of it. I refused and he kicked me out of our house … then called me at my parents house and told me I’d never find anyone to love me … he’d never pay a cent for the child. I sat on it and got depressed (I was young and impressionable).

He made me sit at a family meeting with his parents, his three siblings … one was 13 at the time … and they tried to decide what to do with me as if I wasn’t there. His mom looked at me and said “did you do this on purpose to trap him?”

I ended up getting the abortion stupidly (went to hubby’s brothers wedding the next day while still bleeding heavily) … caused a rift with my parents … who then didn’t come to my wedding (mom told me I’m ugly on the inside to my face in front of my in-laws at lunch) … they didn’t meet my first son until he was 3 months old. It’s been fucked for so long.