As an anxiously attached partner, what are your needs in your romantic relationship?

Thank you for this.

I was in a relationship with someone who I thought was fully secure, but through therapy I have been able to see elements of avoidant behaviours. I read 'Attached' by Amir Levine, and realised that I am a naturally anxiously attached and recognised we often engaged in push/pull dynamics. When I sought closeness and intimacy, he created doubt and withdrew. I acted out protest behaviours by rarely texting him first and waiting for him to call. Often times because when I would, he would rarely match my energy. Other times he would ignore messages I had sent and then only contact me when he had something to say. For those behaviours I did call him out on it, but unfortunately it was a reoccurring theme. He said he thought he loved me, but then said he felt intimidated and wasn't sure. He also wasn't sure if we would last while he went away for 13 weeks. All caused me significant anxiety and distress, and ultimately I became very upset and cried a lot, while fighting to try and save us. He thought my reaction was unhealthy and very stressful for him. We ended it there.

I am otherwise a secure person, confident in myself and sure of what I want. Based off of this experience, I don't want to ever repeat it again. Nor do I want to feel as unsure as I had felt in this relationship. I'm working on myself and identifying ways other anxiously attached people have their needs met and communicate them effectively before I enter a new relationship :)

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

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