jesus christ. i have doubts any of this is true but if it is i just feel awful for you. im sorry you dont have anyone to support you and your mental illness in a healthy way so you can learn to deal with it without hurting others. someone who cares to teach you that your illness isnt a scapegoat and that other people with mental illnesses dont do shit like this. you are super super young if you aren’t lying about your age. you have years and years to grow and learn to deal with your issues in a healthy way and i hope along the way you find someone to help. because whether you realize it now or not, you are hurting people with your actions. you are. not your mental illness.