Apologies if the gif isnt really a gif. Tbh its not really a concern right now.

It started this summer. Well, some background first - I've been w my bf for 3 years, on and off. Long distance for the last year and a half. We had a BAD breakup about a year ago, and since then he's made major life changes & things have been great. No fights and lots of talk about our future together. Its all planned out.

We also opened our relationship about a year ago due to the distance mainly. Since then, I've had 3 really amazing love affairs so to speak (my bf knows about them, though.) He's had a few of his own.

When I say it started this summer, I mean that I've become less and less attracted to my boyfriend not only physically but also mentally, professionally, spiritually, etc. I'm not excited for sex with him anymore. I've started to see it as exhausting. I've always been the type to enjoy being single, and now more than ever I crave it.

The other guys were just for fun. The last one I met, though. Ugh. Its unrealistic to feel so strongly about just another human, but he is everything. Just knowing that I could feel this way about ANYONE really contrasts w the apathy I feel toward my current boyfriend.

I guess I'm venting bc I want to break up with my boyfriend, but it would blindside and destroy him. It would cause him so much pain. I know I shouldn't sheild his feelings, but it would be extremely painful for me too. And what if these feelings are fleeting? These intense love affairs only last so long, but what I have with my current bf is so solid. I love him, but I love my freedom too and I don't think I can reconcile the two.