Thank you for being so kind as to share some of your work with us. I don't have much to comment, but I would offer this based on what I read: Are you writing this for an audience to be produced someday? Or are you writing it for yourself? If it's a personal passion project, that's okay, but I don't see you progressing very much here, nor is there much I can offer you. If you are writing this to be produced, you might want to adhere to some simple strictures of screenwriting and study story craft more. There is really no reason to offer you a critique, other than say I wish you the best on your project, whatever it leads to. BTW: I did not find it particularly funny or interesting, but maybe I'm not the right audience. Cheers.