Thank you. I've read one book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind once although I'm sure I need to read it again if I were to master and apply it systematically. As it stands I'm just going about it without order and so the true reason why I only replied now is because I slept on it and tried to make my subconscious mind uncover the reasons for me. XD
Suffice it to say, my subconscious mind didn't want anyrhing to do with me.
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Yes, I agree. But you see when I say I'm dumb, I mean it that I find myself lacking in the kind of intelligence that I would rather have in abundance, and that is expansive, deeper, wider understanding in meta-levels. See here: Nine Levels of Increasing Embrace.
And to a lesser extent, scholarly knowledge for my purpose.
Yes, yes I agree with everything you say about the machinery and the system. Where must one be then? How have you made peace with the knowledge, or have you? I think I've gone a long way in just a few years as I am currently 23 while speaking. It's a quest of uncovering and finding out the truth but I'm not there yet, the source of this system. I did find [Nag Hammadi's "On the Origin of the World"](www.gnosis.org/naghamm/origin-Barnstone.html) that's why you and I found each other on this sub. You know more about gnosticism than I do. Maybe you can teach me this?
is close to meaningless and inaccurate in assessing your literal value and contribution to Life
You are a kind person and you are right. I am only dissatisfied with myself because I require so much of me for mankind and I don't see any other purpose for me to live my life... though mankind is all a concept to me at this point, which I am aware I have to change through knowing what love is. It's difficult because I don't know what love for another person is.
"We help each other" indeed. I've recently finished this book some weeks ago though maybe the readings are things you've already passed. It's quite inelegant in its writing but it explains well what it was meant to explain. The possibility of going mad is real for the uninitiated.
You seem like a pretty fun fellow to me. :D I can't imagine what kind of people you talk to to receive that responses. I am not from the Western culture so my issues/beliefs to be overcome are different but maybe I can also teach you my wisdom.