Yeah, ENTPs have the ability to cut right to the bone when they're angry with me. I've been told by many types my words can have a similar effect on them but no one's ever given it back to me the way ENTP does. It hurts a LOT.
That's what I'm afraid of. I say things, and they are things I entirely am serious about in the moment, and later I realize omg that could be so damaging. And for the most part, I can't tell if they hurt him. The only evidence I see first hand is when he ignores me for a period of time after, and I just figure ok I destroyed that beyond repair. And I have no clue if he wants me to be persistent, I just do it. It's all consuming at that point, trying to figure out a way in and holding onto a sliver of hope. If I knew it would be worth it, I'd probably come in with explosives and hammers to get at the wall. It just gets harder to justify after each fight. Every single time it's when I've declared to myself that I've given up, he'll come around and one of us will apologize or just pretend it never happened. All I want to do is figure him out, and he won't let me. It's funny because the only time he gives me pieces of himself is when I've given up, never when I ask for it, and then I stick around. This sounds so fucked up when I explain it. Lol like I'm stalking him and romanticizing everything to justify my behavior. And he is basically emotionally abusive. This is so unhealthy lol.
ISFPs are as notorious for stone-walling and permanently shutting people out (over perceived slights) as ENTPs are for being flaky and unreliable.
It makes me feel a little better that stonewalling is a typical ISFP trait.
And you don't sound immature. I'm still trying to figure out if these relationships bring out the worst in each person or if it just helps bypass standard formalities.
It's so unbelievably hard with him as the guy and me as the girl, given the standard gender norms. Interest and persistence from me is initially interpreted as crazy. Yet he is expected to be the interested and persistent party. The nature of our personalities flip it around and then we question motives because we're not acting how we're "supposed" to. I've tried to analyze this with him and he listens to me (seemingly intently), agrees, forgets everything we talked about, and does the opposite of proposed solutions. The minor hints that he may want someone to break down his wall are drowned by this evidence that piles up that he doesn't feel the same way about be me, hiding it or not. That's why I am ok with being friends, and just admiring from afar in the back of my mind.
I'm not sure if it's because we're internet strangers and that's easier to vent, but I'm glad you were able to pick apart all this stuff with me. It's nice to be able to see a certain side of things without the emotional restraints.