I know I need to face them. I'm not jealous really, it is more a regret of experiences missed more so than jealously. Dating people who didn't miss out just makes it a constant reminder of what I didn't get. When people get older, they are less likely to take chances and engage in certain behaviors. People do thinks during their adolescent years, then during college, and usually those behaviors change in their older years. You have some great advice about focusing on future experiences with one's SO.
Day to day my wife is fine. Day to day living though, without kids, is mostly boring, fairly simple. Even then, her constant, daily, repeated nagging of having me come to bed when she thinks I need to be in the bed gets old. She has a serious OCD problem and fixates on silly BS. Have you ever traveled to another part of the country and decided that instead of walking maybe 25' yards to see a scenic viewpoint, you'd rather just stay in the car? My wife is a very simple person. For her, vacations are just time away from work, as she hates the concept of work. She hates the concept of having to wake up early. If she could, she'd stay in the bed for 9-10 hours a day, then lay on a couch another two hours. My wife sees no problem living half her life in a bed or a couch. My fear of being alone caused me to just overlook this behavior for many years till it started to get to me, and the verbal fighting started a few years back.
While I said I wouldn't go to counseling, the fact is, I've already sought it out. I've reached out to her mom for help and advice, I've reached out to three co-workers. Only one person knows I have my own issues to get through. I do feel shame about my past, and on another forum I got some great advice: I have to learn to forgive myself.
I'll look into professional counseling, but at the same time I've drawn a line in the sand with my wife. She has one year to change her ways. I'm planning a few trips here and there and I hope she is willing to be a partner and be with her husband. I just don't know if things are salvageable at this stage but want to make an attempt.
I do know this is as much about me as it is about her. Thanks again for the advice.