I’d been isolating for awhile. I was focused on my career. It had been 2 years since I’d had anything physical with anyone. Then I met FP and the BPD dysfunction was a magnet because hey I’d met someone who was just like me.

Silver linings...

I’m now in what looks like a healthy relationship with a really nice guy who dotes on me. I’m more open with people. This morning on the bus I started chatting with someone and was open and close to being myself. When we got off the bus she got my number so we could make plans to meet up again for coffee. I’m taking better care of myself - losing weight and putting more care into my appearance.

There’s this terribly deep pain feeling like my soul was ripped out of me but this FP who had had a lot of therapy taught me how to identify and articulate what I’d been struggling with for years and white knuckling through on my own. So there’s that.

Being on the edge can have 2 outcomes. I’m on it right now. If I mean right there’s a dark chasm I’ll never return from but if I lean left I might have a chance at a better more self aware life surrounded by god people who I can be myself around.