Have any of you been with an emotionally abusive SO? Tell me your stories, please. Was anybody able to work through it?

if it helps, this is what I wrote when I found out last spring that he wa dating a girl I know:

Today I found out that my abusive piece of shit psycho rapist alcoholic ex boyfriend/ roommate has a new girlfriend.

And she knows I have a protective order against him. We used to work together. And she knows he has been convicted for doing property damage to my car.

And I wish I could tell her that he’s a rapist. And I wish I could tell her that he is emotionally manipulative and abusive. And I wish I could tell her that no matter how far she bends over backwards to try to make him happy, he will never be happy. And I wish I could tell her about the time he tried to beat me to death in a parking lot. And I wish I could tell her about how I watched him use a box cutter to slice his arms open right in front of me. I wish I could tell her what it’s like to be accused of not loving someone or cheating because you refuse to have sex with them because you’re way too horrified to be sexually attracted to them anymore.

I wish I could tell her that she will be relentlessly slut-shamed for everything she has ever done with any man who wasn’t him, even though he has slept with 30, 40+ women. I wish I could tell her that even if she is an honest, decent person she will soon learn how to become a pathological liar just to preserve her own safety.

I wish I could tell her about the time he got drunk and wrecked my car. I wish I could tell her about how I went through 3 cell phones, a laptop, 2 table fans, and a camera lens in my time living with him because of his anger issues. I wish I could tell her about the financial manipulation I couldn’t afford.

I wish I could tell her about the party where he assaulted me. And the time he almost left me at the river because I got mad at him for trying to take my bathing suit top off even when I told him to stop. And the time he threw a hookah coal at me, which I still have a scar from. (I think that happened on two separate occasions, actually.)

I wish I could tell her about all of the gaslighting and about how all of my emotions that didn’t involve being a doormat were me being “crazy” or “irrational” or “hormonal.”

I wish I could make her understand what it’s like to constantly be on edge in your own home. And even on edge when you’re not there because god knows what call, text, or email you’ll get next and what it’ll be accusing you of. I wish I could tell her that it’s only a matter of time before all of his problems and all of their relationship’s problems are all her fault.

I want to tell her that she’s beautiful and special and smart and that she deserves love and respect. I want to tell her that she doesn’t owe him or any man anything until they show her that she matters and she is important and she is loved beyond all doubt.

I want to tell her that he will guilt her into making him her #1 priority at all times until she can barely consider herself and her personal needs. That he will do his best to tear down and insult everyone around them until she is isolated from her friends and family. Either because he makes her see the “bad” in them that isn’t really there, or because he makes her feel guilty for not spending that time with him.

I want to tell her to run screaming in the other direction as far and as fast as she can.

I want to tell her that I’m honest to god SHOCKED that I don’t have PTSD but that doesn’t mean she should be so lucky.

I want to explain to her that he’s the reason I gave up on my dream of being a mental health professional because I learned that some people just cannot be saved, nor do they want to be.

But really I just want it to be 5 so I can go home and lay in bed and sob until I know he’ll never have access to another woman.

I will always regret that I lied to save him. I will always regret that he hasn’t been locked up somewhere be it prison or a psych ward.

I just wish there was something, anything I could do. But all I can do is cry.

I constantly wonder if he would’ve been better off dead. If I should have never called 911. If I should have just left him to bleed to death.

/r/AskMen Thread