Hey, thank you for reaching out. I'd love to meet over some coffee or a beer of something!

In the meantime, I'll explain my current situation:

See, I've been the type to assume that I would eventually have children in the future. I was raised in a heavily catholic family, almost everyone in my family have families/children of their own, so this would be a big switch in mindset for me and it's pretty difficult to deal with.

I had always assumed I would eventually have kids, but after visiting my sister in PA last year, I started to wonder. The child was sick and I had an absolutely horrible time hanging out with them. It made me realize the reality of taking care of a child and I then became a fencesitter. However, I didn't research any further into it (I wish I had) and just went about my day to day.

At the time, I was dating a girl that I had a lot of feelings for. She is adamantly childfree (Never liked kids, never wanted them) and I knew this at the time but was too happy spending time with this girl. Fast forward to about a month ago, she ends up breaking up with me for a moment due to some sillyness but then wants to get back together.

However, this gives me time to seek advice from family members and friends, who all point their fingers towards my original "want" to have kids and "maybe you don't want them now, but wouldn't it be nice to have that option in the future?"

So, I end up ending things with her due to that one problem, even though she was wanting to make our relationship work.

The fallout of that relationship has been ridiculously difficult due to the fact that I feel like I threw away one type of happiness for a maybe happiness in the future.

I threw myself into researching Childfree related statistics, the realities of having kids, and started really evaluating what I want from life, much to the chagrin and non-support of my family and friends. I went back up to PA again to hang out with my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law in hopes to see if maybe the first time was a fluke due to my nephew being sick. Alas, I was bored out of my mind. The only time I started to enjoy myself was after having two very tall beers. I left as soon as I could.

I feel like I know just about everything there is to know about having kids/not having kids, except for I have not had exposure to childfree couple role models.

I have fears about making a commitment to this decision due to fear of choosing the wrong life choice and regretting it later. I have fears of missing out, and the usual selfish assumptions most parents have (such as who will take care of you when you are older, missing out on spreading genes, etc.)

Since the fear is the thing I am battling with, do you all ever feel afraid you've made the wrong choice or anything of that sort?