Thank you for responding . I read your post I'm sorry someone didn't pay for hurting you . I'm sorry you now have to live with that pain for the rest of your life . I understand unfortunately I had one parent growing up and she wasn't of sound mind so I was exsposed to far to much to soon . It's hard to come back from any kind of abuse. Almost everyday I am fighting with that part of me that feels worthless . And used . I have become a victim manly because I lost the ability to fight after fighting for so many years . I will probably look back on this time now and think the same thing I always think . "You could of done it "." You could of been happy ." "But you were weak ". I literally have no one I can go to . I envy you . You're in school and it sounds like you're on the right track . If you just focuse on what you want and on what will make you happy you should be able to get past these emotions. If you have loving parents too don't take that for granted . Almost everyone I know had at least one parent I know some have had it much worse then me but I mean it a real blessing to have someone raise you and hope you do good in life . I don't know what that feels like .