Have any of you "lowered your standards"... successfully?

Sort of? I started swiping right on profiles that were honestly badly put together in my area, not ones that were repulsive or offputting for a serious issue but ones where I'm like "none of these photos are that focused and the blurb is really short...". I did this as an experiment to see if my selection process was actually eliminating potential matches instead of removing likely nonmatches. To be frank, most times I had made the right decision but I did actually find 4 people who I would have overlooked because they were so unfamiliar with apps that they ended up having a boomer-esque profile. Part of what made me comfortable with this was that, at this point, I wasn't desperate but I was curious. I was still feeling confident in myself, but I was a bit sad that it seemed so tough in a rural area to find someone. The people who this helped me meet were usually very outdoors oriented or totally outside of my lifestyle; one guy only did frisbee golf as a hobby and worked at a bank. One guy was a pro bodybuilder who "didn't like books or music", one didn't have social media or modern devices because he had downgraded when he saw his screentime and this was his first venture back into smartphones and the like. One person was a court judge whose friend had set up his profile hastily and was hoping to help him find a match. I thought all of these people were pretty neat but for various reasons it didn't work out (though I'm happy for the time we had together). I did have 2 people specifically who were bad experiences that came from this (one guy tried to propose to me before our first date, one I ended up needing to contact a friend because they were suicidal) but there were like...14 who were neither-good-nor-bad (I didn't meet all 14, those were just matches with convos that petered out).

Overall although it mildly expanded my options and reminded me that there are exceptions, mostly it reaffirmed that my gut and preferences were functioning as-needed. It also reminded me that if I change my mind or compromised on any of my standards ,that i could always go back. I think I was very afraid of the negatives, or somehow backsliding into pre-therapy life choices, but didn't expect as much of the "meh" or that I would be able to navigate a negative situation easily when faced with it. Being reminded that there was far more "meh" than the dude who tried to propose to me or the neat ones who I was "missing out" on, was really comforting for me. And honestly, the guys who I met who I would have overlooked? I was okay with that. They weren't somehow my soulmates, they were just...a few extra people who wouldn't have made it through. I wasn't somehow shooting myself in the foot so I'd never meet someone, and to me that was positive

Also, I actually met my current partner through one of those guys! It wasn't on purpose, small town and all that, but bank-and-frisbee dude was friends with the person I'm with now. So in a way, it kind of opened social networking opportunities because I had a positive reputation even with the folks it didn't work out with. Definitely not with the proposal dude but luckily he lived out of town lol

/r/datingoverthirty Thread